Dear Diary,

In the quiet of the evening, as the shadows dance across the walls and the world outside settles into a gentle slumber, I find myself reflecting on myself, you & her. Do I still love you? Is it an adventure, comfort and exhilaration, and often, it’s difficult to decipher where one ends and the other begins with you.

You love us both, and yet, your love wears different faces with each of us. With her, it is a steady flame, flickering softly like the hearth of a familiar home. She is your sanctuary, your refuge from the storms of life, a warm embrace that envelope you in the comfort of family and tradition.

But with me, it is a different kind of love. It is a wild and untamed force, like diving into the depths of the ocean or soaring down an open road on your bike with the wind in your hair. I am the adrenaline rush that makes your heart race, the thrill of the unknown that keep you coming back for more.

Together, we chased sunsets along the beach, our spirits soaring as high as the eagles in the sky. My lips traced every inch of your skin, mapping every rise and fall with a familiarity born of passion and desire.

Yet, deep down, I know that you can’t live your life in a constant state of exhilaration. You need the grounding presence of someone who could keep you steady when the world spins too fast, who could offer you solace and security when the chaos become too much to bear.

You do not have to worry because I don’t expect you to choose me in the end. I know that your heart belongs to her. But have you expressed your love yet? Like you did with me. I also know that you’ll miss me, miss the rush of excitement that I bring into your life. My memory will linger in the corners of your mind, a ghost of passion and longing that you can never quite shake.

And if, by chance, you ever find yourself yearning for the thrill of adventure once more, know that my arms will always be open to welcome you back into the whirlwind of my love.

Yours always,
Mistique.

-Chathubhanu Adikari
(04/04/2024)